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November 20, 2003

Ok, this is for some female commentary. I have a friend who I write occasionally (snail mail, it really does still exist), and she writes back. We're pretty good friends, and have flirted on more than a couple occasions, but neither of us has made a real effort to push things past a good friendship (though we sorta went on a date once). Anyway, she's not in a situation where she should be thinking about guys and such, but when she concludes her letters, she ends with a heart, and her name. I didn't think it meant much, but I was a little curious and passed it by my sister. She said it did mean something -- something more than just friends. Her letters are pretty friendly towards me, but she also tries to give me advice about the girls I try to date. What do you girls think, friend, or friend+?

Posted by charr at 12:16 PM
Reader Comments

Well I think...oh. What do you girls think. Well never mind then.

Posted by dan at November 20, 2003 4:08 PM

Dan, you're welcome to think as well. I've just noticed that girl thinking and guy thinking usually follow different paths.

Posted by Cameron at November 20, 2003 4:13 PM

It completely depends on the girl who's drawing the little heart. I've known several girls that put those hearts on their letters to *everyone*. I put them on letters to people I feel need to know that I appreciate them, but it doesn't necessarily mean that I love-love them. Then again, that is sometimes used as a coy invitation for the man to start something. Tell us more about the girl's personality and then we girls can help interpret it. Is she bubbly? Is she friendly? Is she perky? Does she have really bouncy penmanship, where the letters are squished together and look almost as if they're inflated? (That may sound ridiculous, but that's a dead giveaway sometimes that the hearts are simply used as additional punctuation.)

Posted by Heather at November 20, 2003 11:58 PM

I know you aked for the girl's thoughts, but how about a woman's thoughts? I'll tell you anyway. :P If she's giving you advice about other girls unreservedly, then I'd think that the hearts are just a friendship thing. How good is the advice she gives you? Frankly, if I had some serious feelings for a man and he asked me for advice on how to date another woman, I'd answer as vague and as short as possible. I wouldn't lie to him or mislead him, but no way would I help him out with dating another woman.If she's immature, then she may put hearts on everything, everywhere. It's something a girl would do. Heck, it's something most of my friends did in junior high and some in high school (and one in college).

Posted by Jan at November 21, 2003 5:33 AM

Let's see how well I can describe her (I'm not good at that). She's a bit younger than I am, but very mature. That's something everyone points out when they meet her. She's energetic, friendly, happy, and a bit outgoing, yet she's not at all the cutesy, perky, valley-girl type, i.e. the kind that write bubbles and hearts above the i's and stuff and uses 'like' every other word. Her writing is that of an adult.As for the advice she gives, it is what I would call friendly, perhaps a little vague with not many details. She wishes me luck, but I think that's normal. I don't really remember what her writing looks like, but I don't recall it being bouncy, squished or inflated (I had no idea this mattered :) ).

Posted by Cameron at November 21, 2003 8:42 AM

I don't think you can read anything much into the heart thing. I used to sign letters with a drawn heart, Ellen instead of writing out Love. It was just to be cute. It was definately not an amorous thing. I mostly used it on letters to my grandma!

Posted by Ellen at November 21, 2003 10:22 AM

I can see a heart replacing 'love' but would you sign 'love' to a guy that was just a friend?

Posted by Cameron at November 21, 2003 10:44 AM

I have signed letters and emails 'love' to guys who are just friends. They were good friends, but they were still just friends. Cameron, if you're still interested when she's in a position to think about guys (mission, I'm guessing?), ask her out then. It's easier to judge a person's feelings in person than it is on paper. ...says the social moron.

Posted by Jan at November 21, 2003 11:17 AM

I wasn't sure how prevalent signing "love" was. My original thoughts were that the whole thing didn't mean much, but since I was then told differently it might, I became curious. Basically, if I'm still around when she returns, I'll see what's there.

Posted by Cameron at November 21, 2003 11:53 AM

Friendships with guys are so tricky. I've had a lot of guy friends. Most were gay. But as far as the straight ones so, with only a couple of exceptions, feelings developed on one or both sides eventually. Those ended horribly. But had we developed and expressed those feelings earlier, I think it would have went better. In other words, there is a point where you know someone too well to date them and have it go well. Anyone who's been there knows what I mean.Sooo... if you've had a fairly "surface" relationship with her (not super close friends) then I say, yes, there is potential for something here. And I say the heart is a sly flirtation.

Posted by Renee at November 24, 2003 10:07 AM

Renee, I think she knows I'm not gay. :)I sent off a letter to her yesterday, and wanted to sign my name with love, not because I'm in love with her, but because I feel close to her. However, I didn't use that word, since I was worried she might misinterpret it. I guess we'll see what happens with her next letter.

Posted by Cameron at November 25, 2003 8:50 AM

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